BURGER OFF by
Stefania Perrone

February 25, 2016
Culture

WHERE: Palings – March Into Merivale “Between Two Buns” event
WHAT: Don’t ask
RATING: 1000 / 10
REVIEWER: Stefania Perrone – Account Executive

Stef


DISCLAIMER: In no way do I condone or encourage the consumption of three burgers in one evening as responsible and/or normal behaviour. This event immediately preceded a downward spiral of internal reflection. I wasn’t sure if I was impressed, disgusted, proud or ashamed of myself. In all honesty, I’m still not sure.

 

Picture Christmas day, your first puppy, that time your parents gave you fifty bucks and didn’t ask for the change and the feeling you get when you make your train with four seconds to spare.

Roll all those feelings into one and multiply that by 3.5 and that is almost the level of happiness I felt upon arrival at Merivale’s Between Two Buns. This event was the immaculate love child of a cookout and a cocktail party, where enlightened patrons gathered to worship at the altar of the burg.

Upon entry to Palings we exchanged our tickets for six tokens, which I already loved. We’d landed at the gates of a beef and poultry utopia; where cash had no place and the only currency was flavour and good times. I was immediately overwhelmed by the smoke, the sounds, the smells, the bacon. So much bacon. This was heaven. Nirvana. This was what monks in the mountainside of Nepal meditate for fifty years to achieve. And I’d found it on the bottom level of The Ivy for a lazy 45 bones?

I walked around in a dream state observing the six stalls, with all of the Merivale big boys in attendance. The faces behind Papi Chulo, Ms G’s, Mr Wong, The Beresford, Coogee Pavillion & Bistrode competed for our love, tokens & stomach space. As I let the sensory stimuli wash over me, a friendly waitress interrupted the reverie by placing an unholy amount of fries on the table. I had to stop a single poetic tear rolling down my cheek.

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We mowed our free fries, undid the top buttons of our jeans and readied for war. Each of the stalls offered half a burger in exchange for one token, and guaranteed happiness with every bite. After sampling one of each, we were given the near impossible task of picking our favourite. I can finally say with sincerity that I understand why parents don’t answer when you ask them which child they love most. I’d always assumed it was a tactic to avoid hurting the lesser-loved child’s feelings, but now it made sense. It was legitimately too difficult to pick.

Alas, as it always is in this life, there could be only one winner. I could write an epic about how intimately connected I felt to each of the burger offerings placed before me, but I think you get the idea. They were goddamn good.

The unanimous winner among our group was Dan Hong’s Lotus Burger. We’re still convinced his burger was crafted with 98% skill & 2% magic. The winner of the competition itself was Chris Hogarth & Patrick Friesen’s Papi Chulo burger- a worthy contender of the lotus.

From here on it’s salad and sadness for the small group of Metropolites who conquered this ridiculous challenge. Consuming so much burger in so little time was no easy feat, but I’m glad to report that we stepped up to the plate. See what I did there?

Until next time.

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